BeiYin's Posts 
SunMeditation and Personality
Personality - The Illusion of Existence
What is 'personality'? It's an 'Illusion'?
Existing through one's Intellect
The Onion of Personality
Intellectualizing one's experience?
...and it's all for free!!!
To eat or not to eat, is this the question?
The importance to establish a habit
A 'Sungazing Center'. An awesome idea?
EFT and SunMeditation

SunMeditation and personality
   When we do sun meditation or also called 'sungazing' then we  do it because of a purpose. It might be we see it as a technique to become 'spiritual' or to gain something on one's spiritual path. Or one has some physical, mental or emotional problems and wants to get rid of it. Probably there is no person doing it without any goal in mind.
    The simple fact is, that practicing sun meditation one is getting rid of one's 'personality'. If people would know this and it's consequences, then most would not even start it. Sun meditation is done because people want to enrich themselves or to get rid of something disturbing.
    Then they do it and from the first moment on the effects are felt. These can be interpreted individually and in the beginning is felt as tranquilizing and soothing. But the sun has a 'melting effect': What was bothering - suddenly seems to have less importance. Problems which were taken seriously, are becoming less significant. This is a positive effect, but as problems and what is bothering are part of the personality, so this at the same time is felt as irritation and a loss
of intensity in one's existence. And as people in the first place are getting their feeling of existence out of their identification with their 'property', disease and negative feelings included, so they feel reduced and uncomfortable. They will not even be aware of this reactions but they will find a good reason why they don't want to continue the sungazing.
    The other way to avoid the 'melting effect' is to go into distraction of appearing side effects or using one's knowledge to gain recognition and self confirmation from others. These can be understood as ways to defend one's personality. There are as many effective ways to survive as there are individuals. If one is continuing the sungazing, then also these games will melt away, without the need to do something especially, but most of the people will quit the sungazing to be able to survive with their precious personality, in which they don't want to be touched unless they are  not enriched or confirmed.
    So it is easy to understand why many people who start the sungazing don't come further than a few days or a few weeks and then are looking for something else...

    The heart on the physical level is a pump, on the spiritual level it is the essential center of one's existence. When one meditates then one opens and connects with one's essence, which goes beyond one's emotions and one's intellect.
    'Personality' is limited to the physical, the emotions and the mind. As long as one is identified with these aspects, there is no conscious connection with one's heart. There are many images created, but only formed mentally or emotionally and so feeding one's personality.
There is no way out as long there is identification with images and concepts. These are hold tied and there is no openness for any influence which might reduce one's property.
    But then comes the day, when the established security is disturbed or even shattered by happenings outside, provoking strong reactions. Then the material aspects of one's existence, including one's mental concepts, are not satisfying anymore and enough to give confirmation and
tranquility. The individual is looking out for more subtle sense and adapts spiritual concepts, mostly in form of beliefs, closely connected with one's emotions, because the rational mind can't grab those images.
    So  one starts to practice techniques to further one's spiritual growing process, like praying, any kind of meditation and sun meditation. And it works. Identifications with the material aspects can continue and all images stay untouched, at least for the moment. Spiritual images are often immediately confirmed by uplifting experiences short after one starts to practice. But then something irritating happens when suddenly an empty space appears, a kind of void, irrational and not at all fitting into one's concepts. No problem: The  personality has highly developed techniques to adapt oneself to such situations and knows how to fill up those spaces nearly in an instant way.
    How does it happen that such an irritating void appears? If one connects with such a strong and essential source, like there is one's own center or an even stronger influence like the sun, which can be understood as the 'heart' of our planetary system, then a transformational process starts and lower levels are conflicted by melting into higher ones. If there is a strong holding on identifications, then there will be conflicts. Often the solution for one's personality is escaping from the causing influence and changing one's spiritual technique or filling it up with more emotional or mental stuff which gives new possibilities for identification.
    Who sticks on one's chosen technique and goes on - in spite of all conflicts -  will gain a new security and calmness, which until now was unknown or better said inexperienced, because the 'knowing' is left behind and new fields are opening up. The limited horizon of one's personality is expending and what was so important until now and therefor was causing so much tension, with all those multiples results as disease, fights, etc., when one needed to defend all those properties
- then finally this all can be seen in a different light...
Personality - The Illusion of Existence

    That what we call "I" and sense as our 'Personality', gives us our feeling of existence, mainly through our senses and by being identified with our perception. We ARE our body, emotions and mind, because we are identified with them.
    In this contains our human system and with this we are connected and conscious about it. For our awareness there exist nothing else - because we are limited to our senses using in daily life. Our human system, like all systems build by structures, has the in build tendency to hold it's
existing form together and to defend against offending influences. There is 'openness' only in so far as these allow growing or reinforcing the already established structure, every thing else will be rejected.
Against insisting influences the system will develop defense strategies, like escaping or attacking. The strategies are highly sophisticated and individually developed on all available levels.
    We are exposed the whole time to influences from the outside and inside and all the time the system is reacting just in the limited ways of receiving to grow, or rejecting to defend. The reactions happen on all levels: Body, emotions and mind, mostly unconsciously or half consciously. But enough to receive one's feeling of existence out of it.
    There is the permanent urge to feel one's existence and it doesn't really matter if it is pleasurable or there is suffering involved. The existence is felt because the senses react and the identification gives the feeling of existence.
    In our momentary culture and evolution, we are mainly identified with our mind which is filled up with concepts, dreams and images. These give us our illusionary existence and we live in a dream world. Our goals coming out of our concepts of life give us the drive and motivation to strive to realize and manifest our fantasies and we live out of our reactions caused by the discrepancy of reality and our dream world. What a game we are playing with ourselves! Finding enough satisfaction out of it to go on and on. For the majority of humans this is all and there is no questioning about it.
    A few are becoming tired of these endless games and they start to question themselves and their existence. This is dangerous and creates insecurity and disturbance. But as there has been so much disappointment repeating the same games again and again - turning around oneself -
causing all kind of suffering and depressions, that there seems no other choice possible then to dare to enter in the state of void and insecurity.
    As the materialistic level of games - where emotions and mind are part and servants in it - didn't satisfy anymore, we are urged to find additional ways and so we look for new possibilities and have grabbed the world of 'spirituality', which of course exist in concepts, images and fantasies, connected with one's emotions through 'believes'.
    So one's questions are answered for the moment and one can continue out of a new kind of security, finding one's feeling of existence in more subtle forms of concepts. And so it might go on for centuries of humankind or for decades in one's life time.
    Our spiritual concepts are indeed very sophisticated, developed through centuries. But this kind of 'materialistic spirituality' has it's limitations and in our days more and more people are questioning what is offered from society and it's culture. Questioning oneself in this phase of personal evolution - often coming out of very deep depressions - creates an unbearable insecurity which is difficult to deal with.
    Fortunately with all those spiritual concepts there are also some techniques offered, which can give some hope to gain a new direction. This gives enough motivation to start an exercise like meditation or sun gazing. Of course at least in the beginning - also depending on the individually advanced state - the person practicing the exercise will fall into the same games as before like finding confirmation etc., but if there is enough consistency then those spiritual practices will
result in more awareness. With this the identification with until now unquestioned aspects will loosen up and a more amplified consciousness will grow. With the ability of observing oneself one will discover the origin of one's reactions and so gain 'self knowledge', which finally
will guide to new horizons beyond one's personality.
What is 'personality'? Why this is an 'Illusion'?

    'Personality' is build by higher life forms like they are manifested in humans and animals. Minerals and plants are not capable for this. The manifestation of all beings consist in pure energy which grows into structure when two or more basic elements meet. This 'structure' can be called 'system', which then has the tendency to hold it's existence together and to grow by attracting similar structure and energy. Even in their beginning, these primitive systems reject elements which do not serve the growing process and this is the same and continues up to the highest existing life forms.
    This tendency is in build and part of the growing process. As well as the tendency to use the multiples tactics to defend the system, which develop during evolution until it finds it's most sophisticated strategies in humans.
    'Personality' starts when consciousness is developed enough that the individual is aware of oneself and this probably starts with the development of senses and their reflection caused by reactions of the system, then realized as body sensations, emotions and thoughts. In this phase there exist no observer separated from the observed, the consciousness consist only through reactions within the system and - there is a total identification with it. Reactions are felt as "I" and out of this the individual gains one's feeling of existence, being limited to body sensations, emotions and thoughts - forming one's 'personality'.
    Being aware of one's existence is the beginning of consciousness in a 'higher life form', but of course this doesn't mean that evolution ends here. It is a beginning, although still primitive, like we are observing on planet Earth, where very few humans are capable to go beyond this basic step.
    That planet Earth is still in it's beginning of evolution of consciousness, about this there is no doubt when one looks at the reality of humanity: War, fighting all over the planet, growing of
systems by swallowing others, many millions of humans are starving and suffering not even having the minimum means to survive, while others live in abundance on the costs of others. Many millions with 'incurable' diseases, because the established systems are mostly purely materialistic, representing the still primitive state of consciousness. To say it clearly: 'Personality' is NOT something bad or negative, it is a step in evolution, although it seems that humanity is stuck on this step and has difficulties to progress, what could have as a result
that humanity is destroying itself - at least many signs point to this.
    But as all systems have the in build urge to survive, the same with the systems on a more complex level, so the planet Earth might defend itself, supported by the next higher system the 'Sun'.
    What happens when the human system gets stuck on the step of having build up one's 'personality' - even up to a highly sophisticated state? Then the as well in build tendency shows up and this is the longing and urge to overcome limitations and boundaries. If this need in one's
growing process is suppressed by the other tendency of the system to hold oneself together, then the stuck system is cracked up by happenings from the outside or/and from the inside like disease on one or more levels: Body, emotions or mind. (If these are treated with chemicals,
then there can't be any 'healing', what would be a natural part of the evolutionary growing process, but treating only the material aspects the system stays stuck and can only be 'cracked' by it's death.)
    In one's individual growing process there might come the moment when the 'personality' has grown to such an extent that all gained and collected properties doesn't give satisfaction anymore. After turning around oneself again and again, the question might arise, what the sense
of all these is. Also it might happen, that wishes and desires are not being possible to be fulfilled because of daily reality and then frustration is accumulating up to the moment when emotionally reactions are causing disease: Depression, stress and distortion.
    The strong 'personality' is shattered and comes near to collapse. But as there were many different concepts integrated in one's personality, so also those of 'spirituality' with images of worlds beyond daily reality. This will be the moment when the individual needs those concepts to survive and it might serve and help for some more time.
    Being just conceptual, those images can't fill the upcoming void. The disturbed individual tries all kind of techniques to gain back one's balance: Meditation, Sun gazing, yoga, Tai Chi, psycho therapy, prayer, etc. And in fact it helps: The rigid structure of personality is loosening up, is melting into until now unknown new fields of being. Irrational influences find their way into the perception of the system, like intuition and self expression which is fed beyond one's known
abilities of personality...
    Slowly the measurement of values are changing. What seemed to be important before is less significant and is not needed anymore to give satisfaction, because new more subtle possibilities are discovered.
    There has been never real 'openness' because the system had allowed only influences to confirm and enrich the already established, but now happens an opening of the system and even unknown influences are allowed to be received. The individual starts to be capable to observe one's reactions and is not that much identified, with this being able to discover where the reactions are coming from and what has caused them. Then being able to make decisions, recognizing that old behavior are worn out and belonging to the history of one's personality. The horizon of awareness is widening up, separating boundaries are melting away. It might be experienced at the first time that real 'communication' is possible because there is less need to defend one's mental and emotional property.
    All this due to the fact that 'personality' is fading away - the illusion of existence through one's personality, which consisted in identification with one's reactions and one's properties, is transformed into a kind of existence which is independent of one's body, one's emotions and one's mind. Yes, this is in fact possible and not like until now just through concepts, dreams, images and ideas.
    But talking about all this has not much practical sense because whatever is said or written, it goes into the pool of one's concepts or is rejected using one's arsenal of arguments.
     I expressed what needed to be said. What people do with it is not my responsibility any more. What I wrote is not perfectly expressed due to my limitations, but it is coming out of my own growing process and so is authentic. At least I did my best. If there is no response from people of this mailing list and so I don't know if people understand what I am writing, my conclusion only can be that nobody in this mailing list is interested and so I will leave. No blame.
Existing through one's Intellect

    Wasn't it Descart who stated: "I think - so I am!" With this finding proof and confirmation for his existence. He could have stated: I have a body - so I am, or: I feel - so I am, or: I am aware of myself - so I am, or: I observe myself - so I am, etc. With all this statements not having answered the possible question: "Who am I?" He didn't even ask this question, he was satisfy with the first and only statement: "I think - so I am!"
    And it seems, that most people in our days are satisfied and stuck on this limited aspect. They find their confirmation of existence through their mind. They are fully identified with it and to intensify their feeling of existence they go really into it, often excluding other parts and levels of their existence. One might call it: 'Being on a head trip'. Now we can understand, why there is so much intellectual exchange on the Internet. People express themselves in all their gathered
knowledge, feeling great and showing themselves, finding acceptance and admiration from others, who are glad to be able to follow...
    Also we can find those people who find their confirmation more on the emotional level, forming groups where the intellect has no importance - not even being intelligent. They are content by exchanging their emotions. For people who need the confirmation through intellectual exchange those 'small talks' are boring and 'superficial'. Mailing lists have mixed ways and the art exist in finding the posts which serve one's needs and allow oneself to find what one needs and so can respond.
    This seems to be the main interest of people. Are there somewhere the quest for self knowledge? People will respond: 'Yes, of course, whatever I do is to find out more about myself...' But the truth is, that nearly all are looking for self confirmation.
    Defending oneself is a good part of it and holding tied one's position, opinion, view, etc. is important, otherwise there wouldn't be the need to defend. If it is wherever possible they gather more information which adds to the existing, which is felt as one's property. So in the first place people are interested to enrich themselves on all levels. There are offers in abundance for everyone on all needed levels - our whole business world is based on this. We are not only producing ourselves thoughts and feelings, we are mainly 'consumer' reacting on
what is offered...
    Sungazing is no exception, it also can be used to find the feeling of one's existence, although the creative aspect in practicing sungazing is, that it undergoes one's momentary motivation and is loosening up one's rigid structure, melting one's 'personality'...
     Giving space and the opening to experience new fields of existence with horizons beyond one's 'personality'. It is good and this is one advantage of meditation and sungazing, that it is a process which happens slowly and releases only that much reactions from the system how
it can be managed. Indeed: The Sun helps!
The 'Onion' of Personality

    The emotional armor is the most rigid part of the personality. Having removed one shell, there comes the next one. And this might go on for quite some while. It is like an onion: If one covering shell dries out, then the next shows up. If you hurt the shell - removing it by any kind of manipulation as cutting it -  then the (defense) system will react and make you cry. (For sure in any process of clearing up one's structure one need to use one's mind, what doesn't mean to hide behind it, but to use it as a tool in an intelligent way.)
    Indeed, sungazing and other techniques are removing in a clearing process one's covering shells, but this was not the question that 'negative aspects' are removed. Negative or positive aspects doesn't matter, as long the individual is identified with this aspects, all aspects are forming the 'personality'. For example: It doesn't matter if somebody is defending oneself by adapting oneself to a situation and agreeing or if one defend oneself by attacking - in any case the confirmation and the proof for one's existence is gained out of it. And with this most of the 'techniques' doesn't change anything. And of course not the techniques of ignorance: Not questioning, not asking, not reading something, or just ignoring.
    Out of meditation and also from sungazing one will not gain so much self confirmation - of course it depends totally on the person practicing it as there can be misused any kind of technique. Meditation even more easy than sungazing, because the sun dominates and will melt
away pretty fast all manipulations of the personality, while meditating one might go on with one's personal games several decades.
    To believe of oneself to be 'open minded' helps in selecting influences and information. One can stay more relaxed and is saving energy by not needing to defend one's position in a too rigid way. But this 'openness' serves still as a tool for one's personality: To be confirmed through what is selected and received. This might be a preparation so that the boundaries are becoming more transparent and with this some 'light' might shine through... I don't know. In any case
I wish you all openness to receive 'light'. Doing the sungazing we are in a very favorable position and we only need to let it happen, observe what ever happens, relate, respond,  make our decision, and go on...
Intellectualizing one's experience?

    What use can there be? My experiences in the 8 months of sungazing are that complex and subtle that it is extremely difficult to put it in words. These are experiences which can't be separated from all what came into my awareness during all my past life time, not only from this eight months of sungazing, one is growing out from the other and is build depending on the step I have taken before.
    Whatever I can verbalize is in it's expression limited to the intellectual and can't contain all the other levels which are included. Yes, I am trying this with my poems, but from throwing ash into the wind there can't resound an echo! I AM the manifestation of my experiences. When I express myself and try to share what is the result of my experiences, then I must see, that this is not understood or not wanted. What makes clear that with my experiences and the resume out of it - I am an alien.
    I can't see any sense in sharing my insights, unless it comes down to a practical daily level, but as soon as it reaches fields beyond this it is subject of individual interpretation. What means that whatever is expressed, it will be sorted into boxes of known concepts and beliefs. If it is not yet known, then it will be formed into a new concept with the idea that it might go together with other concepts and support these.
    What has happened to those experiences and insights some people had during history? Religious concepts were made out of it and beautiful images connected with it, with added promises and rules how to receive awards, etc. All this was and still is used to manipulate people by taking the position of authorities. What a game! Maybe people are a bit more critical, but it doesn't look like that something essential has changed. During two thousand years millions of people were killed in the name of God. The name of this god is different now but has there changed anything? Who even dares to look at it or to question it?
    Is there self responsibility? Like always people are oriented to that what authorities are telling them. This is much easier than to relate to reality and search for themselves for alternative resolutions. Or the other extreme is that people do the opposite what they are told how it should be and this isn't really much different than being dependent and will not have self responsibility as a result.
    How can I tell about my experience in a mailing list were people are still satisfied by having small talk and an exchange which is limited to experiences about visual phenomenon or their pain and body symptoms? During the last ten years I was kicked out of several mailing lists when I had expressed myself and had tried to share my experiences. I can understand that it is nice to find people with similar experiences, what serves to confirm oneself, but I don't need this and I really don't see any creative sense in feeding the fantasy of others.
    If I am ask specific questions, then for sure I will answer. If I can help to clear up a situation or suggest a solution in a dilemma, I will do my best. But to talk about my experiences to people who hasn't yet had these, will only create expectations in case I am accepted as 'authority' (!) or my self expression will be rejected, ignored or attacked. I just don't feel that I want to repeat this. You will understand it...
    Writings leave too much space for interpretation and misunderstanding. The same in a f2f discussion, with the difference that when talking with each other after each sentence or even after each word, one can respond to the immediate reaction which is caused. This is not possible by writing an article, which is an expression of this moment but gone in the next moment... It might provoke a reaction in the reader, but what he/her is expressing in one's response has to do with her/his past and without being aware of one's background motivation, whatever is expressed is probably a very unclear reflection. To respond to this is hardly possible as it has little or nothing left from the original subject.
    What can be seen as a demonstration in this post - me intellectualizing why I can't report about my experiences! I can only give the simple and clear advice: Do practice your sun gazing and don't care much about the experiences of others, which only will create expectations and serve nothing, in contrary: any expectation will be an obstacle to go into new fields. These 'new fields' must be clean and empty, otherwise you will repeat only worn out structures of yours and common dreams. 
...and it's all for free!!!

    Some days ago somebody had ask in this list if there would exist any documentation about how many people who started sungazing are continuing and for how long. Nobody had answered. Somewhere else I read (I think it was at Wilson's Web site) that after a lecture eighty people started with sungazing, but most stopped after a few days and at the end of a month only two were left. If this would be the average, then it would be interesting - and necessary - to find out about it. I have only the experience with our few people here at FalconBlanco. We started all at
the same day. I am now at 38 minutes, one person at 25 minutes, another at 10 minutes, etc. Well, at least they are all continuing.
    The conditions here on Ibiza are very favorable. In eight months we had only about eight days without sun, only on fife days it was raining, so that is the reason why I am at 38 minutes and not at 39. We are with our place on top of a hill and so the horizons can be seen all around, only a few higher trees - pine trees and carob - for the first minutes with sun rise might disturb a little. It is indeed perfect and the sun rises and sun sets are so beautiful that just looking at it has a very
beneficial influence. (This would be an ideal place for a 'sungazing center!)
    I used to watch the sun set since many years, before I know any thing about sungazing. Well this was only occasionally, but now I get up early in the morning to do the sungazing with the sun rise - every day since more than eight months and it really has changed my life. (I might
talk about it later.)
    That SunMeditation is not just nice to do it but has a strong influence which furthers one's growing and transformational process, there is no doubt about it. I was suffering for many years from Fibromyalgia and the med. doctors had told me that there is no cure and I would need to live with it, etc. This is a long story and I have written about it on my Web site, were I am talking about my self healing process.
    Ten months ago I was convinced that after one year of my 'self-healing-process' with many different treatments, cleansing, special diet, etc. I was recovering from this disease, because I was nearly free of pain, just that my energy wasn't back fully. I started sungazing and it felt good to me, although there were some reactions. But I know this from before from other cleansing exercises: One has to go through these healing reactions - even they are strong sometimes - and not to take it too seriously. Every thing went fine and I was progressing. My energy level was rising and I nearly could work as strong like many years ago.
    Probably things progressed too fast and I was thrown back when I had an accident driving our fork truck and I burned my foot very badly when the cool system exploded. For four weeks I hardly could walk and nearly the whole time I was staying in bed with extremely pain. I only got up to take care of my horse, who also was sick with the same symptoms I had with Fibromyalgia. The vets had told me that he has arthritis and that he should be sacrificed. I did love my horse, he was my best friend and only companion for about thirty years and so of course I wanted to do every thing to cure him. And I did the same treatment I did with myself - except the ozone sauna - and he really recovered during the last two years. When I had the accident it probably was the reason why he got worse because I couldn't take care enough for him. Also because this summer has been extremely hot and he had suffered from it. I was investigating about other treatments. Aroma therapy and EFT seemed to be promising. Also I found information about it that horses also can have Fibromyalgia. The same day I found the information about these therapies I bought several essential oils and in the same night I started with the first session of EFT for my horse.
    But it was too late. The next day he collapsed and in the early evening he died. - - - For me this was the hardest emotionally shock I ever had in my life...
    This happened five weeks ago and I am convinced that due to the sun meditation in combination with EFT - I did on myself - has helped me to over come the shock. I am recovered now, although it has changed my life.
    Physically a few of the Fibromyalgia symptoms came back and my energy went down nearly to zero. I needed the last weeks - doing an ozone sauna nearly every day - to recover again, but without the sungazing and the EFT I probably wouldn't have done it. I am well now, but I am
conscious about it that I have to slow down and be carefully with my energy management. What means to select what I am doing, not engaging myself in things which are not essential. I have to say NO sometimes, even this might cause reactions...
    Sorry I am drifting off. This post is getting far too long. I wanted to talk about something completely different. What was it? Ah, yes, I remember: It was about the question why most people don't continue with sungazing although they need it urgently and they were convinced about it when they started.
    Might it be that they received it too easily? Didn't they appreciate it not enough from the beginning because they got it for free? It looks like that people only appreciate something when they have too work hard for it or if they have to pay a lot of money for it. Is this the reason
why humanity is contaminating water and air all over the planet? They even contaminate the earth with all those poisons and fertilizer and even the desserts they are contaminating with atom bomb tests.
    The measurement of our society is that what is for free is worth nothing. I remember the story when a man tried to give one hundred dollar bills to people in the street: nobody wanted them...
    Who is really appreciating the sun? The air? The water? Who is conscious about it that without sun we wouldn't exist. And not without air and not without water! There would be nothing: No animals, no plants, no humans - probably only stones.
    People are so much sucked by their daily life, by their problems to survive, to reach their goals, to get what they want, etc. that they don't think about it or even see what is for free. They are concentrated to make enough money to get what they want and they work hard for it and
then when they finally reach their goal, then they appreciate it - for a while - until they focus on the fulfillment of their next desire.
    So it's easy to understand, why the sun - which is totally gratis and for everyone available - is not consciously appreciated and so every thing connected with it - as the sungazing - also has not enough value to be continued when once one has started it, there are other distractions or some obstacles. Discipline is only applicable when there might happen a loss without it, so people start their job every day at the same time otherwise they will be fired. But when they have to get up half an hour earlier to do the sungazing then there is not enough motivation.
    There will be other reasons, but this post gets too long, so I will stop now. With this post I tried to be a bit more entertaining and not too intense and concentrated and as the number of posts in this mailing list is slowing down, so you might find the time to read it and are not in a hurry.

To eat or not to eat, is this the question?
Ed, the netherlands had ask: Do you start to feel a diminishing of the hunger sensation?
BeiYin: Indeed, after eight months of regularly sun meditation something is going on. The last two weeks I didn't know what it was, it was not so much a diminishing it was more a confusion and disorientation. Due to the special diet I am following, because of the Fibromyalgia, not eating bread, potatoes, wheat, cereals, sugar, diary products, etc. there is not so much left than fruits and vegetable, which I always liked, but suddenly I didn't feel like eating vegetables. But then I found myself eating things I haven't eaten for long time, like chicken and ham. The hunger sensation several times was so strong that it seems to get out of control when I was eating from the food which was brought for the dogs and cats! Total confusion. After two or three weeks more the uncontrolled hunger sensation went away and only the feeling of disorientation continued. I didn't feel anymore that I wanted to eat meat, but on the other hand I didn't know what to eat. When I looked through the fridge and the store rooms nothing seemed to attracted me. Only fruits and fruit juice I still like, the last few days I hardly took anything else. Just yesterday I couldn't withstand and found myself eating chocolate! Today I was pretty confused and had a look at it.
     So: 'To eat and not to eat' - this question seems to be connected with the question: 'To be or not to be'. Obviously eating is one of the many ways how we find confirmation of our existence. Only the act of eating by itself gives this feeling of existence, if there is joy connected with it, then even more! Yes, I can say that even eating very simple things like sprouts gave me some joy.
     Now when this way of proofing my existence was missing, I was really confused and obviously eating chocolate, by giving me some joy, brought me back into balance. OK, seeing this I will stop eating chocolate and confront the resulting void. I ask myself: Is this necessary? Don't I have enough problems yet? Must I look around now where I can find the minimum of necessary amount of self confirmation that I can feel my existence?
     Yes, I found confirmation during the last few years through severe pain all over from Fibromyalgia. Descart who said: I think so I am, could have said: I feel pain, so I am. This obviously is the reason why many people are clinging on their suffering, it gives them the feeling of existence! Joy of course is better, but if there is no joy than at least  pain! So now, when there is no pain and no eating anymore, where do I get my feeling of existence out of??
     I know there are many ways for it and people do extreme things, like boxing, where they get beaten up and really feel their existence. Or they do car racing and reach their utmost limit. Or they do para shooting. Or they go into sex, which is exciting and joyful. Or they are politicians and talk a lot in front of many people, fighting for their position and 'Überzeugung'. Success will give confirmation and also bankrupt will give the feeling of existence.
     All this I haven't had not even in traces for many years. So I am not surprised that I feel confused when now the last bit of getting out some feeling of being alive is fading away.
 How this will continue? I don't know. I don't want to think about it what will be when if I stop eating. I have no plans about it. The practical reason that I don't need to wash dishes when I don't eat, is not enough if I am going to lose the contact with the ground. Maybe walking 45 minutes bar feed on earth will help, but I don't know about it. I feel lost and pretty alone with all this.
     But probably also due to the sun meditation, there is hardly any fear left. No fear of what will be, no fear of death or losing. So I don't care so much what will happen: To eat or not to eat - this is no question! I will try to be aware what my system is demanding and then decide. What can happen as the worst? That I might die? I think this is not the worst, but I guess this might be an escape, too easy. So I will continue to confront what ever shows up... (And I don't know yet if I will stop sun meditation after having completed nine months. I listen to a suggestion, but I don't depend on any 'authority' and for sure I am using my own intuition...)
   Just a new message came in from the list:
Beth:  How have your diets affected or evolved with your sungazing experiences & successes?
BeiYin: I ask myself now: What is a 'success' in sungazing? Probably this is connected with an image, an expectation of a certain result and so this is connected with one's personality who is in a game of success and failure. Well, I know and this is my 'experience' that the sungazing is clearing up with this kind of games and then there is no expectation left of a certain goal, just the doing, just the being aware of one's existence, which doesn't need any proof and any confirmation. It is enough by itself. This is a question of being not depending on eating or doing whatever, not of having success or having failure. Finally one is out of the rat racing and can find one's quietness in the eye of the hurricane of existence and this is the SUN as representation of the ONE, which we find within ourselves...

The importance to establish a habit
Comment: (Quote)How do we know that daily sungazing practice is what is desirable
 or best for everyone? Perhaps some folks only feel guided to do it once in a
 while, or sporadically, as needed.  I have never made the assumption that a
 good "sungazer" gazes every day, or even twice per day, or even regularly.
 Only an individual can know what they need at that time, and that is perfect.

BeiYin: Or in consequence some  variations:
"How do we know that daily body exercise practice is what is desirable or best for everyone? Perhaps some folks only feel guided to do it once in a while, or sporadically, as needed.  I have never made the assumption that a "healthy body" needs exercise every day, or even twice per day, or even regularly.  Only an individual can know what they need at that time, and that is perfect."
"How do we know that daily teeth cleaning practice is what is desirable or best for everyone? Perhaps some folks only feel guided to do it once in a while, or sporadically, as needed.  I have never made the assumption that "clean healthy teeth" needs cleaning every day, or even twice per day, or even regularly. Only  an individual can know what they need at that time, and that is perfect."
"How do we know that  a daily shower is what is desirable or best for everyone? Perhaps some folks only feel guided to do it once in a while, or sporadically, as needed."
BeiYin: I agree: I haven't had a shower for about a year. For cleaning myself I don't need any shower - because I am taking a sauna every second day since one year...
"How do we know that daily bowel movement practice is what is desirable or best for everyone? Perhaps some folks only feel guided to do it once in a while, or sporadically, as needed.  I have never made the assumption that it needs bowel movement every day, or even twice per day, or even regularly.  Only an individual can know what they need at that time, and that is perfect."
BeiYin: I do NOT agree: Regularly bowel movement is very important for one's health and to feel good. Indeed there are people who do this only once in a while or once a week. OK, you can say:
"Only an individual can know what they need at that time, and that is perfect."
    So they may carry their waste with them as accumulated ballast. Do they need this? Even though this seems to be quite normal that people carry things with them which are useless and only put weight on their system. They don't want to let go of it because it is their property and they think they have control over it when they carry it with them. So these people for sure need sungazing. It will help them to let go of their waste on all levels of their existence. They should do it every day that they also can have a daily bowel movement and doesn't get stuck. It is very difficult for people to have discipline and I believe that it is no help for them to give them too much freedom, because they can not handle it and out of laziness they will do nothing, at least as long as possible...
    For those people - and this is valid for every body - it is good to establish something that once it is recognized for being helpful - becomes a *habit*. Then one doesn't need to think about it and is doing it like automatically without the need to remember to do it. And also when there are obstacles, like being too tired to do it, etc. even then one will do it. People 'know' what is good for them, but this doesn't mean they will do it. So doing things on a regularly basis is important.
    There is another good reason why to do the sungazing regularly: To start the day with sungazing will have a significant influence to the entire day. Once being aware of this, one will not want to miss the morning sun meditation anymore and it easily becomes a habit. This gives a frame in one's life which is favorable and helps to feel good. Isn't this desirable?
    Then we might be spontaneous all the day long, because we can let go of worn out things, we can open our heart because the sun has found a place in it to be reflected - shining to all and every body around us...  There are comments to this post>>>> Click here.

A Sungazing Center. An awesome idea?
Comment: (Quote) What an awesome idea!!
BeiYin: Do you really think so? Would a 'Sungazing Center' be a good idea?
     My last 'awesome' idea I had thirty years ago. Since then I am trying to realize this dream. I must say that I put all my energy into this and I worked hard. For many years I worked often sixteen hours daily. Seldom I had vacation. I traveled only a few times abroad and this mostly was connected with my work. The first years I worked to establish the physical space. Due to a lack of money I had to do nearly all by myself, until I could organize and attract all kind of groups. (Mainly therapy, also Yoga, Tai Chi,  etc.) Years were passing by and most of the time I was living alone. Sometimes there came people together to share the place and for many years it was a coming and going, with experiences which could fill a book.
    The idea was to live with like minded people together - kindred spirits - in an alternative way, not being trapped in consumerism. Doing something creative for oneself and for other people, etc. This form of community is called 'Intentional Community'.
    When the Internet started to be available here in Spain about ten years ago, I saw it as a great possibility and jumped with a lot of enthusiasm into this new activity. I had to learn everything by myself and put a lot of energy into it. I started with the german Usenet and after half a year I was totally frustrated and near to give up, but then I changed to the english speaking Usenet and had a lot of interesting discussions in news groups, mailing lists and privately. But nothing real came out of it, in the sense that it would help to establish the ideaI was trying to realize. Then installing my first Web site I was quite engaged for some time, mainly during the night, but also enjoyed it.
    And it seemed to function better, there came up to twenty people together: Working, meditating and also having some fun together. But it wasn't possible to form a permanent team. The experience of this time would fill another book. All together it was an intense learning process for me and I don't call it negative or positive. But one thing is for sure: It was a tough experience and I don't want to repeat it.
    Years passed by and I had also to go through a lot of personal experiences. The hardest one was when I got the disease Fibromyalgia and was suffering for several years from extreme pain and lack of energy. As medical doctors couldn't offer an effective treatment, I investigated myself and then treated myself. After one year I was recovered... (To read the story of my testimonial, see: ).
    We offered FalconBlanco as a healing place and failed totally with it. People are just not interested. They prefer to depend on the medical system and no one seems to have the initiative to take responsibility for themselves.
    Now we are not offering anything. There are no group activities or retreats. We are not enough people even to maintain the place with all our animals and plants. But we keep going and we are pretty well organized and have no serious problems, not financially and not as individuals.
    We believe that working on the Internet is the most effective we can do at the moment, offering information to people who are looking for it. So we are still working on our Web site and have started now intensively to translate into other languages.
    Because we had so many problems with people, who came here to be members of the team, that we nearly have given up about it. We are often having an intense email exchange with people after they have filled out an info-form - to be able to select people. But then when they come here, it turns out, that they are pretty different from the impression they had given. Then there are reactions showing up and people don't want or are capable to deal with, when it turns out that their expectation is not fulfilled by the reality they encounter. Then people leave frustrated. Mostly they cause stress and more work than could be balanced by the practical work they are doing, mostly because they are not experienced or they are resistant.
    With the result, that we would prefer to stay as the little team we are and not to look for more people. But it doesn't make sense: There is living space and lodging for about twenty people and also resources enough to feed that many people. Being only four makes it even difficult to maintain the place. So this seems to be a dilemma.
    Since we are sungazing we are more quiet about it and we just go on, trusting that the right thing will happen in it's moment. What else can we do? We try to be aware not to miss any opportunity and we respond to whatever shows up.
    Now about the idea of a 'sungazing center'. As an idea it is good, but how could this be realized? There are hardly any practical problems, the place is established with all accommodations: Sleeping rooms in single and double bed rooms with bath. A big group room, swimming pool, etc. etc. This is the most easy part, but what about the personal aspects: The expectations people are bringing with them and then when they do their sungazing all those reactions coming up, mostly of emotional nature. Can they deal with it out of their own responsibility? When those difficulties are showing up when they are at home, then they deal with it in the same way they are used like with other reactions. Probably they will stop sungazing for a while and so reactions will slow down. But when they are here, then they might go on with their sungazing practice and who is going to deal with reactions they are not capable to deal with? OK, we could give assistance, but then there must be a readiness for it and this must be clear from the beginning. So again, we would need to select people. And our experience is telling us that it will be the same as we had before.
    That means that we can't have people here as guests who are just starting with sungazing. Maybe better those who have already done it for three months? Or even better those who have completed six months?
    Making conditions doesn't feel right, but not making those will only bring disaster and frustration on all sides. Have you something to share what could be a creative solution in this dilemma?
    For sure it depends all on the history of people. If someone starts the sungazing after for example having meditated for twenty years or has gone through a therapy process, then there might be a base and a readiness which enables to confront reactions in a creative way out of one's own capability, without the need to give the fault to the surrounding and others. There might be a few sungazers like this but for sure not enough to run a sungazing center. Let's be realistic about it. If there is someone who is interested to live here, we can talk about it, but let's better forget about a 'center'.
    By the way: What does it mean 'a center'? Isn't each of us a 'center'? So wherever one is - not depending on a physical space - one is carrying one's center with oneself. And one thing is absolutely sure: The sun doesn't depend on any space. The sun is available wherever one is situated. So there is no need for a special place to be able for the sungazing. Could the personal problems arising from the sungazing practice be solved in a creative way in a group of people gathered by themselves without professional support? I don't think so, at least not in this state of evolution. Maybe in a couple of decades or in future generations.
     As I wrote before: If there is someone who feels ready or has realistic suggestions, please contact us, then we will see...  There are comments to this post>>>> Click here.
EFT and SunMeditation

    Today there passed six weeks that I had the deepest shock of my life. I believe that I could only overcome it with the help of EFT and sungazing.
    After one year of treating myself in a very complex healing process, I was nearly completely recovered and the last few months I also had treated my horse and he also had recovered, although he was still in the phase of having 'healing crisis' in which his energy went down. When I finally received an information about the fact that horses also can have 'Fibromyalgia' I searched for the missing link in his treatment and got from an Internet friend the hint to try it with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). I searched immediately the Internet and found several Web sites about EFT. All were describing the good results, etc. and then giving only a vague description how to do it, more detailed information would be given by a video which could be ordered. To receive a video from the USA would need about three weeks. I couldn't wait that long, my horse needed urgently some support. So I searched more intense. After two days late in the night I had enough information gathered by picking up something from one Web site and something else from several other sites. At three o'clock in the morning I did my first EFT session for my horse. But it was too late: The next morning he collapsed and in the late afternoon he died.
    I did the EFT several times at this day and then the whole time until today at least once a day. I did it always at the same time I was doing the sungazing in the morning and then sometimes during the day when I felt really down.
    The technique consist in touching with two finger 13 acupuncture points in one's face, chest and hand and simultaneously thinking an affirmation.
    When my horse was dying I used the following affirmation:
"Even though Caobo has pain and is suffering, I accept Caobo and love Caobo.
Even though I am sad and are suffering, I accept myself and do not hold Caobo.
Even though Caobo is leaving me and I am sad, I let him go so that he can be free."
    The text of the affirmation changed during the day and also after a few days:
"Even though I feel terrible sad and desperate, I accept myself.
Even though Caobo has left me and is free to fly wherever he wants, I accept Caobo and love Caobo."
    The affirmation changed with daily happenings:
"Even though I am feeling tired, desperate and sad, I accept myself.
Even though I am missing Caobo and I am sad, I let Caobo free and accept Caobo and love Caobo.
Even though people are xxx!%?!!&§[], I accept people.
Even though the world is a mess and chaotic, I accept this world."
    After another week:
"Even though I have pain and feeling very tired, I accept myself.
Even though Caobo is free, I accept Caobo and love him.
Even though people are like they are, I accept people.
Even though the world is like it is, I accept the world."
    After one more week:
"Even though I feel confused and disorientated, I accept myself.
Even though Caobo is not with me and on another level, free to go wherever he wants, I accept Caobo and love Caobo.
Even though people are ignorant, limited and defensive, I accept people. Even the world is chaotic and a mess, I accept this world and love this world."
    After one more week:
"Even though I feel lost, I accept myself and love myself.
Even though people are like they are, I accept people
Even though the world is like it is, I accept and love this world"
    The last few days it was like this:
"Even though I am like I am, I accept myself and love myself.
Even though people are like they are, I accept and love people.
Even though the world is like it is, I accept and love this world."
    And then, when there was a person in my surrounding reacting, what was a sign of not feeling well or being out of balance, then I included this person in my affirmation. And also if there was a sick animal.
    The words I quoted here are only a suggestion and an example, each person has to use the words which are expressing one's individual situation. This what one feels the actual position is, but not an advanced concept. So I won't use the word 'love' if I not really feel like it.
    I only can say that it helped me very much and without pushing anything. I can state that I believe that EFT goes very well together with the sungazing, because during the sungazing practice there are showing up emotional reactions. Even though the old daily technique of 'every body' is mainly used by projecting one's own reaction upon the others, the surrounding or in this case on the technique of sungazing, even though this unconscious behavior is used, the EFT can be done and will help to clear up the emotional background situation. And so it will help that one does not stop one's sungazing practice and so one can go on with it and it's advantages. If one becomes aware that when doing EFT that this is a manipulation of ones emotions and one doesn't feel comfortable because of this, then probably one doesn't need it anymore and can go to more direct ways to deal and heal oneself.
PS: I believe that all 'healing techniques' - as far they can be done without being a professional - should be for free, what means that information about it should be freely available. That people are using the desperate situation and the need of others to make money feels to me disgusting and if this is done by so called 'spiritual healers' then this is even worse.
    But of course this is something individual and I don't want to 'force my view on to others'. About honesty can't be argued. If there is offered something 'freely' then this must be for free, any condition for something offered being for free is a manipulation and shows the true motivation of the materialistic spiritual salesman.
    When I say in my affirmation that I accept people, even though they are what they are and that includes sanctimonious hypocrites, crooks and trickster, then this doesn't mean that I also tolerate them.

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