BeiYin
Testimonial about my self healing process from Fibromyalgia
Before you start to read the following long text - knowing that it is difficult to concentrate if you have Fibromyalgia - I need to tell you that you will not find an instant cure. I wrote this during my investigation about possible treatments and when I treated myself during 1 and 1/2 years. After I was healed I edited a few things.
So the most important is the information that healing from Fibromyalgia is possible! I am healed! And I am absolutely sure about this because now there have passed more than three years and no symptoms of Fibromyalgia came back.
Probably you feel lost after you visited various med. doctors and they have told you that there is no cure and that you will have to live with it. Then it is not surprising if you fall into depression and nothing makes sense anymore. So the first and most important now is that you know that healing from Fibromyalgia is possible. I hope this gives you enough energy to read on... (If you still can't do it then you should use a very simple but effective technique, which needs only a few minutes daily and with this you will have enough energy and motivation at least to start and to keep going... Read about EFT.)
As you might have noticed, there is no money involved with my Web site, every thing is totally for free, no hooks no tricks. If now you believe the given information therefor is worth nothing, then you are caught in the materialistic measurement of values. So better get out of this. Information is only valid, if you use it and make something out of it. I give freely because I want to share what has helped me and I don't want any thing in return.
Introduction (This is a recapitulation of my various pages at the FalconBlanco health Web site.)
The first symptoms of Fibromyalgia were showing up ten years ago and after a heavy accident the symptoms got so severe, that I hardly could walk or move. Pain all over. I couldn't sleep, not concentrate at all. Lost my memory, etc. I guess you know this more or less from your own experience... The med. doctors and healers I consulted were not of much help and so I used my last energy to investigate the Internet to find out about a way to heal myself. This was extremely hard due to the lack of energy, not being able to concentrate, etc. I started with various treatments (no medication at all!) and slowly I got out of the batch. I needed about 1 1/2 years to be pain free and to find back my energy, memory and the joy to live, - at least 80%, what is a lot as I was nearly at zero. About one year ago, when I was quite recovered from my Fibromyalgia, I had a strong emotional shock when my best friend, I was living with for thirty years, died. Some of the old fibro symptoms were coming back. I intensified my treatments and I could keep the symptoms under control but it was becoming clear that I was not completely healed.
So it is obvious that emotions are closely connected with disease in general... I discovered the work of Dr. med. Ryke Geerd Hamer. Indeed very impressive!
I discovered information about electro magnetic contamination and the symptoms it is causing. The last time I am working several hours a day on my computer and it is getting worse: headache, dizziness, pain in joints, dry eyes, lack of concentration, sleeping problems, burning face, etc. And exactly all this is described as a result of the electro magnetic influence. As I need to work on the computer, the most important seems to be to protect myself from this radiation. I put the computer and the monitor into a kind of alcove or niche and covered the front with a metal door. I believe this was the most urgent. This will protect me from the radiation, what was showing the measurement with the 'Trimeter'.
If I can share my experience about my healing process, then of course I will do this, but also I must say that I am carefully about it because I was kicked out of a fibro list two years ago when I expressed ideas which didn't go together with the opinion of the established medical system... and I was kicked out again from another Fibro list recently or more exact: I was 'temporarily suspended' and then unsubscribed before they kicked me out.
Since many years I am convinced that 'healing' in general and specially healing of a disease is a process of one's individual existence and growing process. With this attitude 'disease' turns out to be something positive and the position of a victim changes into being responsible and motivated in one's health. Indeed a growing process which includes all levels. Probably there doesn't exist any disease which only effects one isolated part of the system. So when there are showing up symptoms on the physical level then there might be also an imbalance of the mental and/or emotional level and probably there is a 'push' towards a transformational change and this might be the most significant. So the conclusion seems logical that 'healing' must include all. Although this is obvious, daily practice in dealing with disease is not following this insight. Treatments are commonly directed to eliminate symptoms and patients don't ask and don't want to be involved in their own recovery. It seems we still have the attitude from people of the middle age, where sickness was seen as something bad or as a punishment for having done something evil. Or the attitude was, and probably still is, that disease is the result of a bad influence from outside. So what patients ask for is just to eliminate the symptom, to be 'healthy' again and of course without doing anything for it by themselves. People are convinced that this is the job of the healer, doctor or the medicine. Professionals are authorities and seen as obliged to repair what is not working well... Self responsibility seems to be mostly unknown and unwanted. And as there are pills for every thing, (except against ignorance! - Gegen Dummheit helfen keine Pillen!) there for instant healing can be expected. If there is the need to fight symptoms, then science will investigate and find something efficient which solves the problem, and science is financed by the pharmaceutics industry... It becomes clearer every day that this way of dealing with conflicts and problems is not creative, because it doesn't change anything about the cause. This shows up everywhere whenever there is a conflict: In politics with countries, in companies, in communities, in families, in couples and in individuals. It is the same all over: Seldom there is a search for the reason by looking into one's own system and never there is discovered the real cause. Mostly the 'bad' part will be cut out or eliminated, believing that then the problem is solved, but the cause stays untouched and will sooner or later trigger more problems and probably more and more serious ones. The attitude to eliminate a conflict by destroying the effected part is so common that hardly anybody is questioning it. But the authority of doctors is fading away when we have to go through personal experiences and must see that those specialists in treating symptoms are more and more helpless... Since several years I had health problems which in the beginning just were reducing my energy and so my activity but with ongoing time in a significant degree. After an accident the severe pain continued and spread out all over my body. I consulted several doctors and healers, each of them gave a different diagnosis. The symptoms were: Pain everywhere, changing place and intensity from one day to the other, in muscles, joints, nerves, teeth, ears, eyes, head, heart, in nearly all organs. Then also muscle cramps, dizziness, extreme tiredness, also having bad sleep, lack of motivation, etc. I went through various treatments of different kind but without permanent betterment. It became clear to me that medicine and even alternative medicine knows little about the real reasons of disease, they mainly treat symptoms. Complaining about it when visiting a medical doctor, I was told that there can't be done anything , - offering me painkiller and telling me that I would have to live with it! This can only say somebody who is not suffering from permanent pain like this! I am lucky enough that I don't have deep depressions like other people have with Fibromyalgia, due to my daily meditation practice since many years. But now I can understand why people take suicide... Suffering to such an extreme and over a long period of time and without hope for a change, being alone with it, this indeed is extremely difficult to take if there is no understanding of the happening. Then nothing makes sense and from nowhere help seems to be available... I was lucky not to fall into such attitude, I always had felt that help would come in the right moment. One day I watched TV and there was a MD speaking about a strange disease named 'Fibromyalgia' which lately is spreading out more and more. When he was describing the symptoms I was stunned because he was talking about all what was happening to me, although he couldn't give any explanation of the cause or give an advice for a treatment. But now at least I was knowing that I was not alone with my problem and I could investigate about it. I am convinced that behind every happening and every problem there is a sense, although mostly hidden. We have to search for a solution and answer and of course also do something about one's situation. This is a challenge. So I started to investigate and collected a lot of information about and around the subject 'healing'. During this process there were showing up many different labels for diseases with similar symptoms: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Gulf War syndrome, Candida, Listeriosis and quite a few more. Treatments from traditional medicine were not offered except pain killer and other chemical remedies. Meanwhile I was exhausted. My energy went down more and more. Maybe I wouldn't have investigated with the same persistence if my horse wouldn't have had the same symptoms. The vets I consulted just said that my horse has arthritis and being that old the best would be to sacrifice him. I didn't want to kill my horse at least having tried my best first to heal him. He is my best friend and companion during more than twenty fife years. And I denied to give up just because he is 'useless' now because of his sickness and causing problems. So I was motivated to find out about it. During my investigation I got to know about ozone therapy, which convinced me as a treatment. My horse got worse and also myself and I urgently had to do something about it. I found a doctor who had an ozone generator in his practice and he was willing to treat me. After a week of ozone treatment (daily 250ccm/52ug/cc of Ozone gas/rectal insufflation), I was feeling much better and convinced the doctor to let me fill up a plastic bag every day with 500 ccm of ozone gas for my horse (500ccm/90ug/cc) which I gave to my horse then daily for two weeks. Although the ozone was losing more than half of it's quality, because of the long way home, the result was surprising and because I wanted to continue with the treatment as soon as possible for myself and for my horse so I bought a second hand ozone generator. After I had to wait for the shipment more than a month I started the treatments on my horse and also on myself. I am a naive 'hobby-myself-healer' and know little about scientific backgrounds of disease, but as far as my limited knowledge goes after several years of suffering and searching, now I am pretty sure that viruses, bacterial or fungus infections play an important part in my disease, the Fibromyalgia, but I have still quite some investigation to do about it... Before Fibromyalgia was known, the doctors had told me that my sickness was Arthritis or Osteriosis or Rheuma or just stress and now the few med. doctors who received the information they label it with the important sounding name ' Fibromyalgia', what is nothing else than a name for a syndrome of symptoms of what they don't know the cause. Many of the doctors still stick their head into the sand and say that Fibromyalgia doesn't exist or they say that it is just 'mental', not to admit their helplessness and ignorance . - What became clear to me is, that all those symptoms, called: Cancer, Aids, Rheuma, Arthritis, MS, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Cardiac Infarct, Asthma, Allergies, etc. etc. are treated without knowing the real cause. So even the cause might be a virus infection, then I believe this is still not the cause, because there is a reason in the first place why the viruses, which are present everywhere and attacking all the time, can infect the system. It became obvious to me, that the treatment must start on, or at least include, the cell level and not just by manipulation of symptoms with chemicals or cutting out the sick part. There is not much known yet about alternative treatments like ozone, laser, magnets, sound, color, etc. probably because there are no big money interests connected with it like with pharmaceutics, so there isn't much searching done about it. But even the alternative treatments are mainly used to treat symptoms, so there seems not to be much difference except that there might not be side effects. Who is treating the cause? Who knows about it? Who is even asking about the cause? It looks to me that people's behavior is still the same as in the beginning of humanity when to something unknown there was given a name of a god and then people were praying and offering some sacrifice to the unknown, making it to something known by adding attitudes out of one's own fantasies. Keeping it well disposed through one's sacrifice, but in fact keeping oneself with this manipulation in a safe place out of the reach of fear from the unknown. Has there anything changed? I don't think so: Rarely somebody is looking for the cause of what happens outside - within oneself. This is an attitude which is widely unknown. People still are giving names to the unknown, without questioning it further. Then leaving everything else to the authority of the sacrificing priest: the medical doctor. Here at my Web site I will describe all treatments I am trying on myself and my horse. This might be a long process... Of course I can't and don't want to give any advice for treatments. I only can talk about my personal experiences and offer a selection of information. Then everybody has to make one's own decision out of one's own responsibility. If somebody wants to participate in the investigation or share one's experience or give advice from a professional view point or just from personal experiences, then this will be very welcomed and appreciated. This Web site should be a project, which is supported by people who are motivated to do something to find a creative solution for their suffering and the suffering of many other people who don't have the strength left or the opportunity to search for themselves. [This was written about four years ago and only in the last few months there was one or the other comment...] For comments use my email.
I am waiting now for nutritional supplements like MSM and Chondroitin and also for a new massager. I am convinced an Ozone Sauna also should be included in the treatment, although this is not possible for my horse. I believe to release muscle pain with the heat in combination with ozone will for sure help. First with the most obvious and painful symptoms and then maybe also with the cause behind. For my horse I go on with the treatment and for myself as well with 'rectal insufflation' with ozone and I am trying other ways like limb bagging or using ozonated water and olive oil. Some doctors claim that intravenous application is more efficient, but I want to be independent from doctors so I prefer the ozone treatments I can do on myself. (Apart of the fact that with the money for three series of treatments one can buy a ozone generator which serves perfectly for one's home use.) One thing is becoming clear to me: 'Healing' doesn't mean to get rid of symptoms. Taking pain killer will give release, but will suppress the possibility to discover the real cause of one's disease, apart of the negative side effects, which will drive one on the long run into a negative vortex, with the final result of total numbness and destruction. (A similar thing happens with people who smoke. By doing so they avoid the confrontation with themselves, mentally and emotionally... and also destroying their body.) Being sick means that the system is out of balance and this shows up through pain or mall function of organs. On the body level and also on the emotional level. Pain in the 'feeling body' can be more easy suppressed and we are all used to it and experts in a lot of tricks to escape from suffering... What we maybe not realize is that suppressed emotional pain accumulates and then effects all other levels, showing up as a physical disease. Or if a physical disease is suppressed then a mental or emotional disease might develop. On the other hand a physical sickness specially over a long time will cause changes in one's emotions and also one's thinking. One's personality is changing. Now I am suffering since more than four years from Fibromyalgia. I can testify, that suffering over that long time from permanent pain all over the body, has a strong influence on my feelings and my mind. Often I am near to tears and my brain seems not to function well, although I have no depressions due to the many years of meditation I am practicing daily, but my mood often is going down pretty much and not only this, the changes are going much deeper and are provoking a shift of all established values. Bearing the pain also consumes a lot of energy and no wonder that I am always extremely tired and exhausted and when I force myself because things need to be done, then I am coming near to a collapse. What makes it even more difficult is that nobody in one's surrounding can see how heavy things are and that even insignificant requirements becoming too much. Even sound or light! Not to be understood in one's suffering is probably the most difficult. For sure this is the same with someone who is depressed and suffering just on the emotional level. I am lucky that my pain is yet limited mostly to my body, so I am not totally absorbed and there is still some energy and awareness left. I agree this is a challenge and not an easy one. I haven't given up yet, I am motivated to go on and to investigate about diseases and their background etc., to find out about the real cause. I want to understand what it is all about. I don't care if the doctors don't know, this doesn't inhibit me, from there I don't expect creative answers anymore. But I am sure that there are answers. At least this is my life long experience: If there is a question, then the answer will show up, sooner or later. I was told that about 20% of all patients going to a doctor are suffering from symptoms of Fibromyalgia. So what can be done about it? Who is investigating about it? Medicine will probably need some decades more before Fibromyalgia is known and shows up in their dictionaries. When talking with MDs it seems that meanwhile I know more about Fibromyalgia than doctors. - At least I don't say that Fibromyalgia doesn't exist! Can we use the Internet that people suffering from Fibromyalgia might come together to unite their energy to do something? Or are we just a herd of blind mice? Depending on some industry who might finally see a new market and so investigate, to launch a new chemical treatment or vaccination for the several hundred million people with Fibromyalgia. I believe that there are sources which doesn't depend on narrow minded science and money making industry. Al those many million people out there who are suffering from the same symptoms of Fibromyalgia and probably they all hear the same from their medical doctors: 'This comes from stress' or 'you need some vitamins' or 'you have to live with it'... Sick people go from one doctor and from one healer to the other, expecting to be healed. There might be some release from pain, but it comes back and with time passing by, the desperation and tiredness is growing. (And the damage to the body is growing because nothing has changed about the cause!) Isn't it obvious that there must be another solution? We can't expect to be healed by just letting do a manipulation whatever kind on us to take away the symptoms. The cause of a disease is not just an influence from a certain point, it is probably the accumulation of several minor influences. Looking back at my life I can say that I lived very healthy compared to how people normally live. I started to be vegetarian when I was eighteen, never smoked and never took any kind of drugs. Even though in the healthiest food there are toxins and of course it is not possible to avoid what we breath in, the toxins from the cloths we are wearing, the plastics we are touching, etc. So in several decades there might have accumulated a lot of toxins. I am convinced that what triggered my disease are the unseen influences I wasn't able to avoid or at least these are having an important part in it. So in consequence it becomes clearer and clearer, that the most important at this moment is a complete cleansing of the system. I have done a two week fasting now with a colon cleansing and I felt pretty good after this, but now the pain and tiredness is back. I will start now a thirty days juice fasting and will do during this time a liver and kidney cleansing. I am still investigating about the how... (Meanwhile I did also a three months candida diet...) I can see that it will need a long time to come to a concrete result, because there are too many information to be selected and there is so much junk and spam out there... I am lacking energy and being alone I probably are not able to go ahead in an efficient way, but I will do my best, because I want to be healed and also knowing that this maybe will help a lot of suffering people... What makes it so difficult, is the lack of energy and that I'm feeling pretty much lost. The constant pain I can bear somehow, but not being understood in my intention makes that my motivation is slowly fading away. So again I have to pull myself with my own queue out of the mud of desperation... (I can't help it: This is how I feel al though there are people around me helping as good as they can. But this is my process and my feelings are real even they seem not to be justified!) I just received a copy from a friend of an "Open Letter From Dr. Richard Schulze on Healing and Responsibility". This writing feels totally right to me and it shows that not all MD are the same, there are a very few... I will investigate about it. It is commonly known that bacteria and viruses exist and that they attack us and cause infections. We know that there are good and bad bacteria. Viruses seem all to be bad. What Bacteriophagen are is not well known and what Mycoplasmen are is widely unknown. But I think it is important to know about it, at least to have an idea, so that maybe we can understand that there is a cause behind all those appearing symptoms which needs one's full attention and all of one's capability to respond to this challenge. There is a transformation involved which includes all levels and part of it is that old dependencies must be left behind. And so it is not surprising that I am still alone in my intention and I don't care that nobody is responding to my Web site or to what I am writing in mailing lists. I know that I found something which gives light on my walk... I feel like the runner with a torch: He is just running holding up the fire he carries, ready to give it to the next runner, - until then he is just running. Maybe he can give some fire to somebody who ask him but then he will go on. During the last few weeks it became clear to me that this disease has to do with a cause which lays beyond not only the physical, mental and emotional, but also beyond the so called 'spiritual'. Or better said the cause is where the 'spiritual' starts. In other words: This disease is pushing one into transformation. I am convinced: Only through transformation real healing can happen. And it is clear without doubt that this process has to be done individually. What means that one is engaged in it personally with one's own responsibility and this also makes it, that one is pretty alone with it... Transformation means to enter into a process which includes the whole existence of one's individual being. All levels and all systems which belong to the individual: Body, mental and emotions. Each of these systems needs to be transformed. Suppressing the body symptoms and calming down the mental and emotional reactions with 'medicine' is ignoring any growing or transforming process. Does a patient who is in treatment by a medical doctor is using one's mental capacity or is there space to express one's feelings, not to mention any spiritual aspect...? Obviously not, our established social and medical system doesn't allow to go beyond frames of attitudes, but probably to be healed, one has to go beyond... leaving all (pseudo) security and authority behind.
Half a year has passed since I started this Web site in which I tell about all what I have done and what I am doing to be healed.
I can say that I feel much better: The strong pain all over my body in all muscles, joints and organs is nearly all gone. There are no cramps anymore in my feet and the best: I have no headache anymore, what before I had for many days. My head sometimes is still dizzy and it still happens that I can't read long articles or messages.
I recovered part of my energy but it is just enough to take care of myself and my horse and even this sometimes is too much and I have to watch out very carefully not to come too near to exhaustion. When I pass this limit then I need a few days to recover. What makes that I have to be aware how I spend my energy and make precise decisions even this seems sometimes insensible and egoistically to people.
So what is it I'm doing now for my healing? I will list it up, the most important first:
So with the above we have created a positive attitude and we will not waste our energy in negative reactions when there are showing up circumstances which are in contrary of what we want or of what the image is how we would like it to be. With this we will stay more relaxed and will not build up and accumulate tension. Then with whatever will show up we will more openly examine and decide and also check out possible treatments.
After gathering a lot of information, I'm convinced that the cause for Fibromyalgia and probably most of diseases, at least in a big part comes from accumulated toxins, which are weakening the immune system and so the body is invaded by fungus, viruses, candida, etc. So the first goal might be to get rid of this accumulated waste and clean up the system. The following serves in the first place for this purpose.
For myself I'm doing the following:
Always check if it might serve yourself and consult first your medical doctor before you do any treatment on yourself! You need to inform yourself about every aspects before you start anything, although nothing of the following is dangerous or has any side effects. But there is always the risk that you do something wrong or something happens to you, as a healing reaction or apart of it. And I can't be responsible for it. - This is important!
Somebody had asked me for an advice more descriptive and systematically. OK, here it is: 7 Steps for Recovery
I just found an article from Guy-Claude Burger. It is the best I have read for a long time and it confirms all what I have felt about diseases and their cause.
For about two months I have done the Candida diet. I was feeling then much better but I was not sure if this was due to the diet. So I decided to be not that strict anymore and included again fruits and some of the other forbidden food. After one week I felt bad again and when my liver was hurting for several days, I decided to do a one week fasting with a liver cleansing. That's what I am doing now. Several months ago I had done a fasting with a following liver cleansing with Epsom salt, apart of that it didn't work then I felt it as pretty disgusting...
I thought that maybe I should try more supplements apart of the MSM which I am taking since several months, so I ordered a selection of them from the USA. But when the supplements arrived they got stuck in the customs and they told me that they would not allow the importation because they call supplements also medicine. So I can forget about it. Anyway I think it is better to stick with the remedies I can pick around my house like the olive leafs,Aloe Vera, etc...
Yesterday I made the first batch of 'Collodial Silver' and I took 1/8 liter right away, that was half of it, the other half took Betsy, she has a flu and feels pretty bad. I will make every day one batch. The generator I made myself with the stuff I found around here in the store room with old stuff to be recycled and I have described how to make one. It's really easy and it works without problems. I will take the CS from now on for about three weeks and report about it...
There is a Web site about CS Philosophies - Determining Dosage Levels for Colloidal Silver Use, etc...
The last few weeks I felt so much better, mostly without pain and with much more energy, that I had the feeling nearly to be healed. I was wrong, because since a few days I feel bad and today I felt so miserable like I haven't felt for several months: Again pain all over, extremely tiredness, dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting, etc. My shoulders are hurting so much that I couldn't brush my horse today. The reason for falling back is probably that I wasn't that selective in my diet anymore and ate things, somehow I had felt that I shouldn't eat it. Also I haven't taken my sauna every second day, I skipped it several times, no massage anymore, no Collodial Silver, no Hydrogen Peroxide, no Aloe Vera, but what probably caused it mostly was that I didn't drink enough and that I have eaten some junk food. The consequence is:
Warning!
Although feeling good, stick with your diet, supplements and treatments you are taking and you are convinced of. Don't fall into temptations, don't drop treatments, don't eat what doesn't feel completely right! Also: Don't over estimate your energy, don't work too hard, don't carry heavy things, don't get into stress! Keep cool, meditate and observe!
So I will need to start again with a more strict diet and I have decided to follow a Fibro-Diet which is in parts described by 'Ed the Netherlands' and with supplements from 'Captain David Williams'.
Today I received an email in which was mentioned that the cause for Fibromyalgia might be a chronic nasal/sinus infection and so with my horse. "Bacterial infections of the nose and sinus are difficult to get rid of because inflammation in the protective membrane in the nose and its poor circulation. These bacterial infections, usually staph, produce powerful toxins which damage muscle tissue and cause Fibromyalgia. I don't know why this seems to be a secret. 34 million Americans suffer from this, so its very common and very poorly treated by doctors."
I remember now that two or three years ago I had some problems with my nose/throught and also my horse had these. I will look into this and maybe do some nasal cleansing with 'Neti' what my first yoga teacher Swami Dev Murti forty years ago had shown me...
I did the nose cleansing for a few days now with salt water and this feels good. I will continue with it...
I just read a page about making sprouts, but it is much more: it is the best about nutrition I read since a long time and feels totally right to me. You will see, read it yourself: http://www.geocities.com/~newliberty/earthstar/primaldiet.htm
Tomorrow I will get the necessary seeds and things together and start to grow my own sprouts! I will report about it later on...
What I just found about Apple Vinegar seems to be important and reminds me that my mother was very found of it and used it at all kind of occasions. I didn't take her very serious about it, probably because in those days I had no health problems, - this was twenty years ago... When I read now about all the good effects the Apple vinegar has then I ask myself if I would have avoided my disease by taking my mother more serious. So at least I will start now to take Apple Vinegar and I suggest that you read the information about it.
For many years I have taken Kefir and Kombucha every day. I was in a good health in those days... Looking back I see that some time after I had dropped taking Kefir and Kombucha my disease started. I had totally forgotten about it, but now I will start again. First I will look for a source of fresh milk for a Kefir culture and try to get the Kombucha culture, with this I could start then immediately.
By the way: I believe strongly that writing or reading poetry has a very efficient healing effect. I suggest that you try to write poetry or at least read some. There are a lot on my poetry Web site, best you read one poem before you go to sleep... Enjoy!
The influence of what one takes in is much more important than we are aware of. That our alimentation is building up the physical body, nourishing it and also is poisoning it with all consequences, this is pretty clear, but we are often not aware that what we allow to enter through our eyes and ears is of strong influence to our mental and emotional body. Also here we should select carefully. Just one example: How often we are watching in TV movies in which people are killed and tortured! Often more than a dozen people are killed every day and this in all television stations all over the world, watched by many millions of people, children included! And this every day! No wonder that then more and more crimes happen in real life. Humans are used to copy what is seen outside and the step from being violent in one's fantasy and then to a realization is not that big. Enough aggression accumulated by frustration is present in nearly every body and is waiting for a occasion to come out and this will be much easier if it has happened in one's fantasy many times. In one's own system or on a screen in front of one's eyes. A few days ago I read a little story about native americans: A father said to his son: Inside we have two wolfs. One is aggressive and bad and the other is friendly and good. 'Which one wins?' Asked the son. 'The one which is fed', answered the father.
The consequence is that one should select carefully what one takes in and if it is not possible to avoid something then one should be aware of the influence so that there is no imprint left which can influence unconsciously.
In the same way we should be aware of influences to be able to select them, we should be aware of our tendency to reject anything what is unknown to us. I wrote an article about it: "Immune System and Personality". This was rejected by the list owner of the mailing list I was subscribed to and because of exactly the same reason I am describing in my article.
The last three weeks I was subscribed to various Message Boards, so called 'supportive' groups for Fibromyalgia, chronic pain, etc. I spent more than 80 hours working on these groups, every day about four hours. Reading and writing with a good part of the time waiting in front of the empty screen when the pages were loading boringly slow... The result of this experience would be shattering if I had taken it personally: Within two weeks I was kicked out of four of these lists, and another one I left just before they would have banned me. During two weeks I had posted about ten articles and ten poems and a few comments within other threads to each of these lists. In two of the lists the owners had given me special spaces "Healing Lodge" and "Healing Corner" where I posted my articles and where I was expecting to have an exchange with people. Then I was observing the lists and just waiting: Nothing. Not one response at all! When I posted a comment after two weeks about this phenomenon, then finally there came reactions: all defending their beliefs, mostly religious and then the next day I found myself in front of the closed door of the group. After this happened four times then I had learned from it to see it coming ahead of time and left the remaining list before I was kicked out. Then this was the only list were my postings were not all immediately deleted...
Were the three weeks I spent with these message boards wasted time? I don't think so. I got another important insight about reality which for sure is of great value for future activities - or non activities.
I tried to offer a key to these people for their individual healing process. Expressing my insights coming out of my life's experience, forty years of meditation and my personal testimonial going through the healing process from Fibromyalgia myself. This was totally ignored and when I asked about it then they felt offended and attacked me, finding a reason to impress the list owner to kick me out. Then they explained it by telling on the board that they didn't understand anything what I posted - not one of them - and that they felt invaded by me because I was imposing my opinion on them, but that they wanted to keep their place safe which they had created with a lot of hard work, etc.
(Who wants to know more details about this phenomenon, which indeed can give a strong insight about human nature, can go to the 'documentation' I will select for this...)
About the insight as a result of these three weeks I will write more, here only this much: The attitude, the behavior and the ignorance showing up in these groups is exactly the same as in each individual, the same as in all established systems, these might be families, companies, parties, or countries - or humanity as a whole. Exactly in this attitude, which is mainly based on survival and defense, we can find the reason for all the problems we are encountering on this planet - war and diseases included. And if somebody openly comes and offers information to get out of all these disasters, then this person will be ignored, attacked and finally eliminated. see comment
The experience with the message boards also makes me understand why there is hardly any feedback for this Web site, although there are now about 1200 visitors daily. People come here with the hope that they will find an easy way to get rid of their disease and then they are disappointed when they read that it is hard work and needs an engagement which includes all levels and even more than a person has at hand... Most people will not understand what I am talking about and they are not interested then to go deeper into it or ask about it. That makes me think... It is very much possible that my intention with this 'Healing Web site' also is a failure. OK, then I drop the thought that my writing might help somebody, but I will go on writing here, at least for a while. I do it just for myself, - if somebody benefits from it: great.
see comment
I read in an article at the news group >misc.health.alternative< from Jan Drew (Subject: One More Reason To Turn To Alternative/Complementary Medicine):
"Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity syndromes are beyond the medical education and intellect of the present generation. The medical textbooks which properly deal with these diseases medically and scientifically will be written by the next generation. The present generation of sci/med professionals generally will protect its intellectual turf until it retires, and these patients will be scoffed at, ridiculed, marginalized etc. until fresh young minds, which will not find these diseases to be strange, will give these diseases the study and respect they deserve."
But we can't wait and so the only way is that we, who are suffering, find out ourselves!
Going beyond 'Personality'
Probably the most difficult issue to talk about, can words express something what goes beyond words? And even more difficult: Can a person who is just one's personality can grasp something which goes beyond oneself? Words can just be used as a 'code' expressing an experience which is totally individual and can only be 'understood' from the same state of being. Words are mainly used to express experiences and knowledge staying on the intellectual level and serve to find self confirmation, but if the experience goes beyond the intellect then they are nothing else than symbols which are interpreted subjectively with fantasies or put into boxes like 'mysticism' etc. So I quest if there is any sense in talking about something which goes beyond one's intellect and personality. But I am going to do it anyway. If you followed my writing up to here then you might as well read on...
One might 'believe' in something and then this is kept as a mental concept or image, more or less colored by emotions. This can be confirmed by people with similar concepts or images and so reinforcing the firmness of one's standpoint. This has nothing to do with experiences. Beliefs are concepts, there is nothing to argue with somebody who feels comfortable having beliefs. This is part of the survival system of the human species and worked well for quite some time. But evolution goes on and probably it is time now to go further than concepts and even further than the confirmation of experiences of limited fields of existence, going beyond to be able to expand into another level...
The question is who wants this? The momentary state of all these personality confirmation games give at least a kind of security because of the since long time established ways on all kind of daily experienced levels which goes together with the tradition of established beliefs and concepts and images. The painful suffering in one's daily life experience has its place and also the suffering of disease and any kind of personal problems. Reasons are mostly explained and the way of fighting against not wanted symptoms is as well established. Any given force is used to fight for something or against something on all available levels. Who has the power, and this is the main challenge in our society, will use this to reach the common goals and eliminate whatever is disturbing, all the other strive into the same direction, although being the 'underdogs'. Finding the cause of a conflict, problem or disease and integrating it in one's growing process seldom is considered. The attitude of victim and conqueror never worked really well because the conqueror is never truly satisfied, wanting more and more and being satisfied by suffering is just the opposite extreme of the same measurement. There is no satisfaction and no happiness, but there is the given margin in which people can move in known manners.
Fibromyalgia as a new disease sets a landmark where one only can pass by changing something profound and essential about one's perception.
This new way is only accessible by going beyond established ways of thinking, leaving behind worn out behavior and with this parts of the so called personality. This new disease is forcing one to take self responsibility, leaving behind the established dependency to the system, which leaves no space for any kind of initiative or motivation beyond it's margin. With Fibromyalgia the medical system has no response, "there is no cure". The system fails to give an answer. They do the same as always: Treating symptoms with chemicals, alternative or not, it doesn't make much difference, and then treating the side effects with other chemicals, etc. The card house of traditional medicine is near to collapse. With Fibromyalgia it will become clear. Cancer, Aids, Parkinson, Alzheimer were still sorted into the files of somehow known reasons and the promise to find cures were keeping people silent and in dependency, but with Fibromyalgia this ends.
There is a possibility to get out of the pain and suffering from Fibromyalgia, - this is valid for any kind of disease -, by taking self responsibility, questioning oneself and taking the initiative to heal oneself. This means to go a step beyond oneself and also beyond the established health system. This indeed is serious and for sure not every body is capable for it. The medical system should assist this process and the MD should be a helper, but society is obviously too far away from such an evolutionary step and so one must do first a clear cut, being aware that fighting in the old way and being in total dependency has to end.
This seems to me the only way to be truly healed and so one is forced to do this step. It is a challenge which needs quite some preparation, so most people with Fibromyalgia are not young. So they might be prepared to confront the situation and themselves. One of the difficult aspects is that there is hardly any support from society, not even from family or friends. But this is part of the suffering and challenge and makes that one is pushed even stronger towards and beyond oneself. There is support available, one has to look for it, although one has to be very alert because most of the support offered is just confirming the old attitude. And then there is the severe difficulty because of the lack of energy caused by the disease. Here it starts that one has to keep one's energy together and concentrate on what is essential and here it starts that one has to go beyond oneself to find a new source of energy.
What is the most important? If one is lost in one's pain then the most important seems to get rid of the pain. But is the pain killer from the doctor's prescription a solution? They argue that first you need to be free of pain, then you can look for a creative solution. Probably most will forget to ask any question once they have less pain. Indeed a difficult situation. I rejected all my life any kind of pain killer, so maybe this gives me a different position and even having strong pain with the Fibromyalgia I am always looking for a solution without taking pills.
Maybe the most significant was that I never felt like a victim and never got totally lost in my suffering and pain. There was and is always something within me which stays 'cool' and continues to observe, even in the darkest situation and in the strongest pain. That might also be the reason why I don't fall into depressions, because even feeling really bad there is still an entity present within me which is aware of the situation and so I can pull myself out of it and then doing a creative step to find a solution. Holding this position suffering and pain is less penetrating.
You might ask now how this is possible, how can this be done? There can't be done much. It is the stage of a 'growing process' which in my case was furthered through many years of meditation. Coming to meditation is already a significant step in one's personal growing process. Who is not ready for it will not have the urge for meditation and probably will not continue with it once having started. So I am not going to convince anybody that 'meditation' is an essential part of a healing process, but there is no doubt about it: In fact it is. What meditation is I have described in another page. If you are interested to know more and you have questions about it, you can ask me freely...
With Fibromyalgia one is pushed into a transforming process and one will probably come to the point, where - due to the permanent pain and fatigue and due to the feeling of being left alone - that nothing matters anymore and one only want to die. This state is not felt as something negative and indeed I believe it isn't. It is a necessary step in one's process of transformation. What of course doesn't mean that one should kill oneself. Of course NOT! Because this would only be the intention to escape from suffering and obviously wouldn't be a creative solution! Destroying what is causing one's problems is never a creative solution! - although this is common.
To follow the usual behavior of eliminating the so called cause (which indeed isn't) and in the individual case it would mean self-destruction as a last step of being a victim in an endless fight. The wish to die can be seen in it's feeling value as a positive transition, understanding that this is a step and from then on values might change and also the view. What seemed to be important until now, has lost it's significance. With this something new might show up and because of the lost position it creates space, - which might be seen as a opportunity for something new... And indeed this is inevitable: One can only create something new or something new only can happen, when starting with 'zero', one has to go through one's chaos, leaving one's identifications and properties behind... Probably this has to do with 'perception' and 'interpretation', to be capable for this one has to become 'clean' or 'empty' and this is only possible when going beyond one's personality.
When one realizes that all the money gained in so many years of hard work doesn't help one to change anything about one's situation. Even spending a lot of money on doctors, clinics and treatments, it is becoming clearer with each day which passes, that nobody can give back one's health, one can't buy it for all the money saved. There is only one solution: A shift in one's awareness, stepping out of the old worn out way of thinking, stepping out of dependency and instead of this taking responsibility for oneself.
In a certain way this would be a step where one is 'new born' and an unknown field might open up... In one of these old books it is written: 'To be reborn one must die first...' What for sure doesn't mean that we need to leave our body behind. Our body is the field where we make our life experiences and in a good part, especially with Fibromyalgia, we are pushed to work on the other parts of our existence. I just can tell you and I don't know if it will help you: You can trust your inbuilt growing system, you don't need to worry about most of things you did until now. Ready to die one can go on into a process of healing in a much more open way than ever before. If one still worries, that shows that one trust not yet enough, so there might be a few steps more to go before real trust can happen. And also I can tell you: You are NOT alone!
I can't do much more than just expressing what comes into my mind because I am in this transformation process myself and it leaves me with hardly any energy left. I hope that with this Web site there opens a space which gives opportunity for a creative exchange so that together we might gain a new sight in a brighter light.
Back to daily reality: What can be done? How can one find one's way out of the labyrinth? How can one deal with one's personal chaos? Leaving all this used pseudo security behind, then what can give direction and something to hold on?
It is the trust in oneself, the trust that one is guided by one's own growing force. Trusting that whatever happens is a challenge and just the right thing, even if it seems unbearable. That gives the position to stay relaxed and more open in a certain way, at least being able to observe the situation more cool as before when being absorbed. Being in this void how can one make decisions, not knowing what to do and not having enough intellectual knowledge? Indeed a difficult situation and no wonder that people fall easily back into the old attitude to depend on authority. There is a way for orientation: One's intuition. In fact not possible to grasp on and not possible to be developed in the used manner by striving for a goal. Intuition can't be gained by some technique. Intuition opens up by itself as the result in one's growing process. There can't be done much about it, it is the result of a new attitude towards life!
What indeed furthers one's intuition is meditation and this is not really a 'doing' this is more a 'being', what means it is the result of one's state of being.
When I am trying now to observe my emotions, I realize that to do so I have to clear up first my 'astral energy', what means that my energy management has to be optimized. This for sure will also serve my healing process, so I will look into this:
As a consequence I decided to quit watching TV. Since quite some time I can see that watching TV is wasting time. Not only this: It is indeed messing up one's energy. The abundance of violence and triviality is sucking, much more than we are aware of. I am specially interested in this medium because I believe it has or could have an important impact on consciousness of humanity and I would like to make an input there but until now I had no opportunity. There is so much junk offered and even the few good programs and movies are not worth the effort, when one got hooked up and watches others which are worth nothing.Being aware that we are all trapped more or less, in every aspects of life, in a social concept which is mainly ruled by materialistic values. Being aware that we are wasting good part of our energy by being attracted and following what is offered around us. From common goals in general to daily behavior, alimentation we consume and entertainment, people we deal with and to places we are going. We need to realize that we are manipulated in our decisions from people with materialistic interests and we need to make a clear cut to be able to choose.
Within the Internet I have cut all my activities in news groups and in most mailing lists and I will only continue at the moment with the health project and my Web site. I tried again with a mailing list but after only a few posts I give up, there was no positive response. People only feel offended and a creative exchange seems not possible. You can read my posts: "What do we sweep under the rug?", "Immune System and Personality" and my "Response to a Comment".
Within a healing or growing process a lot of movement seems to be part of it. At least that I can say from my own process: During the last days there were coming up many thoughts and feelings, some on a personal level and others going beyond this, not to talk about the many things happening on the outside...
It is obvious that humanity seen as a whole is sick. It is not necessary to remember that there has not been peace for many centuries and that there is such a discrepancy on this planet: Many are living in abundance and are sick because of this and many millions of others are dying because they don't have the minimum to fulfill their needs. There are many signs which make it obvious that humanity is sick, it would fill a book.
I try to understand the many reactions which happen as 'healing reactions' on the level of this planet as a whole with all different countries. These happenings are mostly violent and causing enormous suffering. But also I can see that on the global level diseases of humanity are treated in the same way as it is done on the personal level by medical treatment and the attitude is the same. As long as disease is seen as something bad which has to be eliminated, as long this can not be a creative process, then it is just not possible to find a creative conflict resolution. What surprises me is, that although the knowledge is there, because there are enough wise men on this planet, obviously this knowledge is not used by world leaders. (In fact this does not surprise me because 'leaders' are nothing more or less than the representation of the mass behind them, so how they could be differing? What they do for sure they do with their best intention, but they are so convinced that this is the only way, that they don't doubt this and ask for an alternative way, so the best knowledge and the wisest advice stays unused.) In any kind of politics, on local, country or world level, problems are still treated like always: By fighting against the problems by trying to eliminate them, not being able to see these problems as part of a growing process and understanding that what ever problem shows up, that this is a reaction provoked by the own system and that this can be used to understand the problem by going beyond... and then being able to find a creative solution. This will for sure cause changes within the system and this is actually not wanted. All systems tend to keep their momentary state. There can't be any creativity or openness. But the system is constantly provoked, from outside and inside and is reacting. Yes, the defense is always strong and will reject any influence which does not confirm the system. But the violence which is used for defense is causing a lot of suffering and probably this is triggering reflection on the individual level and is furthering changes of the suffering individual and this will create changes on the next level, with one's partner, within one's family, in one's local community and then further on country and global level. It seems there is a long way to go for humanity...
One week more and I will have completed three months of 'Sun gazing'. There were only three or four days during this time when there was no sun shine, all the other days I did it and sometimes twice a day. It felt best immediately after sun rise and the minutes before the sun went down. Then the sun is soft and doesn't hurt. I did it sitting on a chair or standing and I have my favorite places for it. In the evening if it is a bit late then I go to the top of the hill... Later more.
Since a few weeks I am convinced that I have recovered from Fibromyalgia!
Because now I am nearly pain free and feel good. I stopped all treatments I have done on myself for about one and a half year like ozone sauna, ozone insufflation, massage, food supplements and all kind of cleansing. I even stopped meditation, (NOT mediCation - which I never took of any kind!) - instead of meditation I am doing 'Sun gazing' for about 25 minutes every morning, for me this is a kind of meditation. This I am doing since five months and probably with this my healing process turned into recovery together with all the other treatments and - last not least - together with the changes of my habits and my attitude on various fields in my life.
Since about three weeks, when I stopped all treatments, I am working all day long and this is specially tough because of the summer heat. I am getting up at 6.00 o'clock in the morning and start working in the forest cutting trees and branches to prevent the high fire risk. The forest fire we had two years ago and the stress caused by it was probably the main cause why the symptoms of Fibromyalgia had gotten much worse... Working with a motor saw is hard work and I am sweating like hell, maybe even more than in a sauna. Of course I am getting very tired and need to relax in between, my day finishes at about 12.00 o'clock in the night but the next day I'm recovered and with good energy. Sometimes I get up at 3.00 o'clock in the morning to write something - like now. I can hardly believe it myself! So I can understand that you might say: This guy never had Fibromyalgia! But indeed I had and maybe I still have, - I don't know, because I still don't understand fully what Fibromyalgia really is. I just know that I have passed an essential step in my personal 'growing process', although the outside situation I am living in hasn't changed at all. There are still the same problems and difficulties - mainly because of too much work in connection with the stress caused by personal problems of people working here, but obviously something significant in my attitude has changed, not so much visible, but probably in an essential way. This of course has also an outside effect, for example I have dropped nearly totally my Internet activities, I am not writing anymore in news groups or mailing lists. My Web site is on a new server but I haven't done any updates lately. I haven't even written any poetry the last half a year. Writing this 'epilog' is the first thing after a long time. Yes, there are some changes in my behavior with people and also how I relate to what comes to me, this will manifest during the next time and probably there will be changes in my living situation... Many things have lost their importance to me and other might have gotten a new more essential aspect...
I will go on with some of the treatments for example with the ozone sauna at least once a week and I am still carefully with my alimentation... I will do some fasting from time to time. And for sure I will continue with meditation and sungazing.
What I want to express is that recovery from Fibromyalgia is possible, in spite of what the doctors had told me before. Although the healing has to happen in such a wholesome way that it makes it extremely difficult for most people. There are about 3.000 visitors at my Web site daily and it is astonishing how few people are ready and willing to do the effort and engagement to enter into a healing process! There is no openness for something which goes beyond the tracks of traditional (medical) thinking. The majority still wants to be healed instantly and is disappointed if this is not possible. The only thing people are willing to do is to swallow pills or let some treatments be done on them, - traditional or alternative - it doesn't really matter. Obviously it is first necessary to understand that disease is not something bad which is caused by outside influences and that a person is not just a victim of unlucky conditions or happenings. A sick person has to get out of the role of a victim of circumstances which can't be changed. There must be a profound change in one's attitude and behavior to enter a healing process! Obviously our society and with this the established medical system is not able for this and an average person can't do it out of one's own personal intention, although the suffering from one's disease is strong and gives enough motivation...
You must not be surprised that I am not selling anything on my Web site or somewhere else, because a new attitude towards money is an essential part of the healing process...
I need to mention that I can't give any medical advice of any kind. I don't even know if the treatments I have done on myself are advisable from a medical viewpoint. Even I had ask for it, there was not one comment from a medical doctor. So if you do something which is described at my testimonial-writings, then I have to exclude all responsibility. I only can say that after about two years of treating myself I am recovered. It was quite an engagement and effort, but it was worth the fight. If my Web site helps other people to get free of dependency of old thinking pattern and start to take the reins of their healing in their own hands, then this would be worth the effort. (If this happens with you, then please let me know about it, that I see a fruit of my effort and also your testimonial will animate others...)
Half a year later: I was recovered, but when my horse died four months ago, after I had done everything I could to heal him, then this was such a shock for me that part of the old symptoms came back. This was showing how much the emotions are involved in one's healing and also in one's disease. A few days before my horse died I had received a message with the information that horses also can have Fibromyalgia and there was suggested EFT to heal him. I searched for it and found only very vague information how to do it. They all wanted to sell their videos with exact instructions. But there was no time left, my horse was worse every day. To order a Video from the US needed too long. So I searched intense until I had enough information. The same night at 3 o'clock in the morning I started the treatment with EFT, it felt good, but in the afternoon my horse died. I continued the whole day with the treatment and at least it helped him to leave his body without the help of the vet. I continued with EFT after this until today, now for four months. I have done it together with the sungazing and I can say that it helped me to overcome the emotional shock and now I am well. At the moment I am doing a fast and I finished now one month. I will do ten days more because I am feeling good and think this will clear up the last bit of whatever was accumulated. I lost only about four kilos and this was fat and vast, so I can let it go easily. Then when finished the fast I will start to do more exercises to build up my body which has lost strength the last few years. I have learned to take care of myself and I spend more time on this then ever before. I have dropped nearly all activities on the Internet: I left all news groups and mailing lists. When I wrote there it was just provoking resistance and defense reactions. It might be that this is caused because of the way how I express myself, but at the moment I don't see a possibility to find a way which will not cause defense reactions...
To be continued...
BeiYin's testimonial about Fibromyalgia FalconBlanco Health pages a Must read for all visitors of my health pages!