BeiYin:
Searching about a possible cause and ways to treat Fibromyalgia, a friend
suggested to talk with a doctor she was knowing and who might be willing
to give his advice in questions about cleansing I was just doing. I didn't
really feel like talking with any med doctor after having had enough experience
with several of them, but as I was insecure in the cleansing process I
was just undergoing in connection with various diets, so I agreed to have
an appointment with this doctor.
We went there on a late afternoon. Not so
good for me because at this time I was pretty exhausted, but looking forward
to maybe getting some information from somebody who knows more, gave me
some energy.
My first impression was not the best looking
at the professional smiling mask of this doctor. He asked me about my problem
and I described the many symptoms I have with the so called 'Fibromyalgia'
and I mentioned my bad experiences with various med doctors and that I
now was trying to find out about it myself, treating myself with various
cleansing, special diets, massage, etc., but not with pain killers and
chemical medicine.
He asked me about diseases I have had. When
I told him that I had a tuberculosis when I was 13 years old just after
the second world war, then this conversation happened:
Doctor:
'Aha, here we have the cause for your depressive constitution! Do
you have depressions?
Me:
I have no depressions.
Doctor:
'This is what all people with depressions say. I saw that you have depressions
when you entered the room, your body posture tells it very clear'.
Me:
It might be that it looks like, but I am just very tired, this is one of
the symptoms...
Doctor:
'You are very resistant and you have build a wall around
you to defend yourself, I can give you some medication to clear your mind'.
Me:
No, thank you, I don't want any chemical or whatever
medicine, there are other ways to clear my mind.
Doctor:
'What is this?'
Me:
Meditation for example. - - -
The doctor didn't say anything, he was just
laughing!!!
Maybe he was right: I was resistant. No
wonder after many experiences with med doctors and he seemed not to be
different, putting me immediately into a classification box. He didn't
know that I am meditating since about 45 years and that this is probably
the reason why I am not having depressions. But laughing about my answer
was too much and made me react. So I ask him why he was laughing. No answer.
I ask again. No answer. I got angry and ask again, this time pretty strong.
No answer but obviously he had understood that he had made a mistake and
he escaped by saying that he had understood 'medication' instead meditation
and he said: 'Yes, yes, meditation can be possible.'
But with this the conversation was finish.
He gave me a prescription for a lymph cleansing, some tablets and herbs
I should take, etc. But I guess this was just to justify the pretty high
bill I had to pay then...
Well, what did I learn form this visit?
Why I let my friend convince me to go to this doctor? Was it because I
am feeling pretty alone with my intention to find out about my disease
by myself? In my investigation I found a lot of information, but it is
so much that I will need years to go through and probably I will never
understand fully all of it. Now I am more confused than ever before and
I have many doubts what to do next. So it is a logical step to look out
for 'professional' help. Again this failed. So I am back at myself. Shall
I really trust my own intuition as the only way to go ahead? It seems there
is no better way. So I will do what feels right even without knowing exactly
about it all. Without doubt this is a risk, but if I make a mistake I only
can damage myself and the worst thing what can happen is that I die. But
I have trusted always my intuition and this worked quite well, so there
is a good chance that I will 'healmyself' and as I am keeping track of
this process, so my report might help other people as well. I am very tired,
but this thought gives me some energy and the motivation to go on...
BeiYin
I just found the following story and I think
it can be applicated as well in our Fibro situation:
There was a man who
used to play with his young daughter every evening after work. One evening
he was tired and just wanted to sit down and read the newspaper. He found
a picture of the Earth globe in the newspaper and tore it into small pieces
and, giving the pieces to his daughter, he told her when she had put the
puzzle together they would play. He thought he would be able to relax for
a while, but his daughter was back in a very short time.
He asked her how she
was able to put the picture together so quickly. She said, “It was
simple - on the back was a picture of a man. I put the man together and
the world took care of itself.”
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