Imprisoned
within myself - but what is 'myself'?
This
aging body can't be all - week and fragile
even
though my fantasies go far out - limitless
finding
it's border in my inboxed mind frames.
Emotional
freedom - a dream of lifelong longing
what
are my feelings? Reactions of love or hate.
Driven
by likes and dislikes, fed by common goals
what
is what I really want? Is it just happiness?
Or is
it that I want to feel alive, more real - now.
I need
proof of my existence - more and more!
So all
what I do: My self expression, my reactions
serve
to make me feel myself, - my unique being?
But who
is reacting? I'm aware of the me behind?
Who
needs these games of confirmation of oneself
being
identified with all these common concepts
created
believes and blown up self images for all.
Who
am I, a slave of adapted fabricated pictures,
finding
security by following the herd of ignorant?
The market
of substitutes offers all kind of it:
Power
of money comes first, one has to fight for,
surrogates
for freedom - illusions of satisfaction.
Stimulation,
excitement or calming into numbness
all
is available as drinks or pills - instant happiness.
No danger
to wake up, daily life keeps us all down.
Work,
mortgage, family, sex life, health problems
all
sucks and keeps one fully occupied and busy.
What
key could there be to get out of it for good?
I don't
trust all those promises of salvation around
just
serving similar manipulation games to trap all.
If there's
a way to get out - this I want to know.
First
I will find out about myself: My human nature
around
and within myself, all so well in common goals.
Then
being aware that the need for property reigns
finding
my satisfaction by being identified with it all. Defending one's world
view and what is owned.
Established
concepts - blinders not to see the key.
Do we
really need attention provoking others around?
Being
nice and pretty or bad and ugly depending
on one's
good or bad upbringing and personal history.
Do we
depend feeling well on how others treat us?
Children
in bodies of grownups, insecure of ourselves
seeking
constantly confirmation for our existence.
The owner
is owned by one's property, possessed.
I will
drop luggage from my bend back, free myself.
Being
aware when reacting out of defense, step back.
The
need for survival is inbuilt since prehistoric
covering
all fields of existence without exception
so being
alive - one wants to feel even more alive!
I'm aware
of existence - every thing else is surplus one still can enjoy without
getting sucked into stuff. Relating to this very moment and to what shows
up responding out of my existence, the best I'm capable not yet knowing
my mirrored background structure observing myself critical, clearing
happens: The Key.
BeiYin
24.
7. 06